08.13.09
changes in brain chemistry emerge as dreams of a future that could never possibly come to pass.
the perfect life of happiness
married to a psychotic cunt
smiling we pose for a photograph
i looked younger but more mature than i've ever looked, we looked happy together, devoid of the selfishness she exhibits in real life. we looked perfect together, surrounded by smiling friends, elegantly dressed in our perfect apartment. low ceilings, too low for people as tall as we are, little windows where the cats can come and go as they please, white walls and lots of sunlight.
the place for a perfect life together
in spite of her insanity and disregard for anyone's feelings but her own, my mind yearns for a life with her.
the poison of who i really am pulses between the cells of my brain tissue. her smile, her hair, our happiness is a lie that my mind manufactures, it's been more than a year since i had the energy to feel anything but hatred for her, the total disappointment she planted inside my soul rests within me and waits to administer its venom in the form of dreams such as this one.
memories from a future that will never come to pass...
09.25.10
fall into the chasms of my heart,
you'll find no forgiveness there;
only the stench of clotted blood,
and the bitter smoke of burning hair.
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